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I killed my guardian angel – is that OK?


“From being Lucifer, son of the morning, the lightbearer, the brilliant one, the shining one, he now became Satan, the adversary, the slanderer, the accuser, the archrebel, the archenemy, the devil, the destroyer…”
- Angels, we never walk alone, Walton John Brown-


I was born on a date when the feast of the holy guardian angel is being celebrated. My mother always believe that I was saved by an angel when I was six years old when I fall from the balcony of my grandmother’s old Spanish house. I am perfectly fine after the fall, because I landed on my father’s chicken pen, covered by fishing nets. Nevertheless, my mother insisted that I am totally unhurt because my guardian angel took hold of me – that is what they all insist.

Today, I am confronted by two forms of religious and maybe mythical consciousness. On the other hand, there is the form of consciousness that understands all human beliefs through freethinking and logic. And on the other hand, there is the form of consciousness that is inverted, which irresponsibly enslaves the minds through mysticism. Certainly, the intellect has both the authority and the power to follow or resist whichever it wishes to – and I chose to follow freethinking.

This is the point where I felt the need to reorient myself towards the self. I strongly believe that an individual should arrive at his or her own religious beliefs independent of any church.

This is the point where I killed my guardian angel.

I couldn’t care less what happened billions of years ago and whether time began or not. I only care about this lifetime. Time alone is fair and just.

What difference does it make whether you believe in angels or not?

Maybe believing in it is just an opinion, like believing that Noynoy Aquino is the best next Philippine president; or a personal trust or reliance, like trusting a quack doctor; or it can mean part of faith, giving your whole heart, thus restricting the self to that belief because it requires adoration and submission.

As I observe among the faithful, possible reasons why they believe in angels are;

  • They need to – it’s like believing in angels will save them when they walk through a dark Metro Manila alley.
  • Believing makes them feel good and it’s fun.
  • They believe in Angelology or the scientific study of angels, their hierarchy, etc.
  • They believe those who tell stories about actually meeting an angel
  • They believe they met one themselves.
  • They believe it because it’s part of religion.

But I thanked my parents for teaching me to believe in angels when I was a child - like believing in Santa Claus, it gives me the feeling of wonder, fascination, curiosity and excitement. Like those stories about fairies and elves, angels still entertains me.

Do you believe in angels, or you killed it too?

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