Lady Vader and the Torpe Jedi

This thought is torturing me for quite some time. The first time I looked at you, I instantly saw your light. You are different and I felt “the force.”

I got curious. I checked out your blogs and asked some questions from your staff. I find bits and pieces about your family, about your heart and about your crush in that condo and that other reader of your blog. I find it interesting. I don’t know why.

I do not even understand why I got excited when I received a party invitation from you last December. Maybe because, at that party, I might squeeze a chance to have a little non-work related talk with you. I wanted to attend, but certain circumstances were against it.

I wanted to pursue the idea but I don’t know and I don’t understand why I always have this feeling that you’re too perfect for me; too intelligent and beautiful. I’m sure you’re a driven and dedicated girl with forceful personality – professional in all respects.

I am afraid that I cannot live up to your expectations. Maybe this is what they called “a perfect torpe syndrome.” I just can’t help it.

When 2009 kicks in, I got pre-occupied, too pre-occupied with all unimaginable non-sense, temporarily forgetting about it - or I just tried to forget it. Then I saw you again, because of that annual project of your organization.

Circumstances are somehow different now because I fool around and got hooked in some “definitely-maybe relationship” or a fling or whatever it is – a relationship with no rules, no attachment, no definite beginning and no future. A relationship that ended before it begins. Maybe you already know about it.

Is there such a thing as sad “Goodbye?” There’s no “Hello” yet. It just started in the realms of my heart but not in reality. Sometimes matters lurking in my mind tend to hurt me. It is hurting me because I felt “the force” and do nothing about it. I’m sure about that feeling because it is very seldom. I think I love you my princess, but I feel I do not deserve your love. You deserve a better Jedi than me.
I will let you go, because I love you my princess. Thank you for the smile.

Postscript:
I, once again, violated a rule I set to myself – to express and say what I feel. Is it too late now?
I don’t know, Well I guess I just have to remember a line in a song, “How high does a sycamore grow? If you cut it down, you will never know.”
May the force be with me.


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